She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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