How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
