life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
worst night to have a conscience
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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