you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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