The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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