is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
