i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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