If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
