Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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