I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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