but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize