my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
