I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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