And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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