So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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