I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
