Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
