I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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