Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
