I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
