You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
