So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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