She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
