ya dads aren't the best wingmen
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
third nipple confirmed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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