Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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