you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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