I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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