dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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