I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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