There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
