update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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