Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
