Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
