Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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