What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
