No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
