I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
