dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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