Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
