just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
