textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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