I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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