bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
