Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
