her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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