He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
