fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
