Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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