if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
