Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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